What is stalking?
Stalking response guide main menu here
Stalking is when someone repeatedly intrudes on your life without your permission. It is about a pattern of behaviours – no matter who is doing it – that make you scared, upset, anxious or distressed. Some stalking behaviours may be crimes in and of themselves – threats to hurt you, or physical violence. On the other hand, some stalking behaviours can seem small to outsiders on their own, but if they happen again and again they can become scary and overwhelming. Usually the more it happens and the longer it goes on, the more of an impact it has on the person being stalked.
You shouldn’t have to face stalking, harassment or unwanted behaviour alone – support can help.
The person using stalking behaviour may know you well – like a partner or an ex-partner – or they may be someone who only knows you a little, like a workmate or a schoolmate, or someone from your church or club. Or it may be someone you’ve only met once, or someone who has never even spoken to you, or someone – even a stranger (irl) – who is targeting you online.
Stalking can look different across cultures and communities. Family and whānau dynamics, cultural expectations, hierarchies in workplaces, educational settings, and/or faith-based communities, or collective living arrangements can shape how stalking shows up and how it’s understood – and the approaches which may assist with – or get in the way of – protection.
Sometimes, stalking behaviour can sometimes be dismissed or seen as part of a “normal” part of culture and family, by whānau, relatives or friends. But feeling watched, pressured, scared, or unsafe is a real concern, and never acceptable, no matter who you are or who is stalking you. We all have the right to safety and respect.
Stalking behaviours can include:
- Following & surveillance: The person watches or monitors you, using cameras, drones, spying apps, or just following you around (in person or via GPS on your phone/car). Social media and dating apps such as Grindr can also be used for this. Apps like Snapchat and Instagram can show your location or activity, such as when you’re online or where a photo was taken. Someone might use these features to see where you are, to “coincidentally” appear in the same place, or to keep tabs on who you’re with. They might also use fake or secondary accounts to watch your stories or posts without your knowledge.
- Loitering: They hang around and watch you at places you go (like outside your home, or outside, in or around your work, school or favourite spots).
- Property invasion: They enter your propety, break into, vandalise or tamper with your home, car or possessions.
- Threatening: They make threats (spoken, written or online) of violence, harm or death against you or against people or pets you care about.
- Harassing calls/messages: They call, text, email or message you repeatedly (often at odd hours or nonstop), even if you block them; or they harass others close to you.
- Unwanted ‘gifts’: They send or leave unwanted notes, flowers or other things which disturb you at your home or work or other places you go, or with others you are close to.
- Damaging your reputation with lies, rumours and false reports: They spread false or damaging stories about you online, to your friends/family, your workplace, or in the community; they may make fake complaints or accusations to police, social workers or others to get you in trouble, such as sabotaging your job or studies or reputation generally, humiliating you and making you more isolated.
- Online abuse: They use technology or digital spaces — like social media, messaging apps, dating apps, email, or gaming platforms — to harm, control, or intimidate you. This might include sending abusive or threatening messages, spreading rumours, sharing private images or information, hacking your accounts, or creating fake profiles to embarrass or humiliate you.
- Online stalking: They repeatedly contact, follow, or monitor you online in ways that make you feel unsafe or under surveillance. This can include sending multiple unwanted messages, tracking your location or online activity, using fake accounts or spyware to keep tabs on you, and/or threatening to share private material. Disturbing your peace: They may knock on your door or windows at night, mess with lights, or otherwise disturb your sleep and privacy.
- Doxing: They post your personal and identifying information (like address, workplace or photos) publicly without consent. This might include sharing information about your gender or sexuality without your consent, or ‘outing’ you to make you unsafe.
- “Revenge porn”: they share private and intimate photos or videos of you without consent.
- Harassment lawsuits: They misuse the legal system to bother you, which may be called vexatious litigation.
- Exploiting vulnerabilities: They use something about you (like a disability or a family situation) to scare or hurt you.
- Proxy stalking: They get other people (friends, strangers or even children) to watch, contact or harass you on their behalf, OR they do any of the above stalking actions to your children, your close friends or family members or other people that are important to you or supporting you, such as your lawyer, counsellor or advocate.