Anti-stalking direct protections

To enable you to see who is approaching your home (and possibly to act as a deterrent), consider:

• an alarm
• security lights
• security cameras
• a peephole in the door.

To make your home more secure, consider

• changing your locks and/or
• installing extra locks
• installing window stays so your windows are secure even when open,
• installing a doorstop chain or using a doorstop wedge
• installing a security screen (e.g metal mesh to fit over your door) or changing out any doors made of glass with solid doors.

If your stalker is an ex-partner or family member and you want to stay separated, you may be eligible for the Women’s Refuge Whānau Protect Home Safety Service that will upgrade your home security and provide a monitored safety alarm that alerts police when triggered and records audio evidence.

To find out more, call 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843) or email whanauprotect@refuge.org.nz

Alert neighbours and housemates to what is happening.

Give them a description or photo of the stalker, and let them know if you have a Protection Order, Restraining Order, or Trespass Notice — but even if you don’t have any formal order, they can still help. Tell them clearly what you’d like them to do if they see the person near your home — for example, to call police immediately (111), to contact you first, or both. Make sure they understand that this behaviour is unwanted and potentially unsafe, and that their quick action could help keep you safe.

If you are being stalked, and have children living or staying with you, talk to them in simple, honest language. Reassure them that someone doing things that they don’t want them to do is not their fault; and encourage them to tell you or another trusted adult if anything happens that frightens them.

• Try to keep their daily routine (school, sports, friends) as normal as possible to give them stability.
• If the stalker is the children’s parent or family member: it can really help to have support from family violence services in these situations, especially if they have child specialists who can help support your children. You can ring one of the family violence helplines listed here to find out about your local services and be put in touch with them.
• Teach children how and when to call 111: Even very young children may be able to learn how to call 111 for police in an emergency. This is certainly simpler than learning a normal phone number, but if they’re old enough you might also want to teach them a number for a trusted relative or friend.
• If children know you are being stalked and are feeling afraid, it can help to give them a sense of control by having a plan of what to do if something bad happens. Make sure they know your address and surname, or write it down for them if they can read and keep it somewhere visible.
• Practice what to do in an emergency at home: Again it can help give children a sense of control if they have a safety plan for emergencies, but what exactly that plan is depends on what you believe to be the most likely scenario they may be responding to. If, for example, you’re worried about the stalker breaking into your home, this could be to climb out a window and run to the neighbour’s if you can pre-arrange something with them, or run to their bedroom and lock the door, and ideally have a phone there so they can ring 111.
• Simple instructions about answering the door: Tell them do not open the door unless they know the person, and don’t believe anyone who says they know you. If they know the stalker, make sure they know not to open the door for that person, and to let you know ASAP.
• Simple instructions if they are followed: Make sure they know what the person looks like if they don’t know them already and give simple instructions for what to do if they are followed, i.e. yell or scream HELP!, run to nearest adult, and tell them that they are in danger from the person following them. If they have a cell phone, they can ring 111, but it’s best to run to be near people first.
• Talk to their school/daycare: Let them know what’s happening, share a photo or description of the stalker and, if you have one, a copy of a protection order or restraining order. Let the school/daycare know if you want them to ring police if they see the person there, and/or alert you immediately.
• If your children have phones or are on social media: This can be one of the hardest parts of managing safety for you and your children.
  – See the ideas about online safety, as some of these may be relevant to your children’s online safety.
  – You may want to make sure your children aren’t being contacted or tracked on their devices or apps, and that the stalker is blocked from their phone and all social media and messaging apps. You may want to check their privacy settings and GPS settings, and give them instructions about not posting anything with their location or planned locations, and not turning on GPS or location sharing.
  – Children may sometimes ignore your instructions if they don’t understand why they matter — or if they’ve been told something different by the other parent or family member. Try to explain, in a calm and age-appropriate way, why certain rules or safety steps are important for their safety and yours. Helping them understand that these measures are about keeping everyone safe can reduce confusion and make them more likely to follow your guidance.

See Victim Support’s advice on supporting children and young people, including assisting children who have witnessed traumatic events, and on keeping children safe online.

Stalkers sometimes try to control victims by messing with their money. These are some ideas that may help mitigate against this possibility.

• Report stolen items: Immediately tell your bank or card companies if your cards or money go missing. If the stalker has stolen money or property, that’s a crime – you can report it to the police and to your insurance company.
• Change accounts or account logins: If your stalker might have access to your accounts, you may want to change your PIN numbers and passwords for your bank accounts and credit cards and keep any physical cards in a safe place. Or you may want to open a new account altogether to be even safer.
• Contact bank ‘extra care’ teams: Many banks now have special teams to provide extra care for ‘customers with vulnerabilities’ which includes customers experiencing economic abuse and family violence. Ask if your bank has a team like this that you can speak to. They will often assign one person to deal with you so you don’t have to retell your story, and also make sure they are doing everything they can to keep you safe from further abuse.
• Joint accounts: If the stalker is your joint account holder, talk to your bank about what is happening and ask them to help protect your money. Some banks can freeze accounts, separate joint accounts without approval from the joint account holder, or issue new cards for your safety. You might open a new account in your name only and move your money there.
• Keep records: Keep copies and take photos of important financial documents (receipts, contracts, tax info). These can be evidence if the stalker is committing financial abuse (like taking your money or sabotaging your work).
• Get help from Good Shepherd: This organisation supports people who experience economic abuse and can help with issues like debt caused by abuse, or other banking or financial issues related to economic abuse. Their website has more information that may help.
• Get legal help from Community Law Centres: They offer free legal help on issues like financial or economic abuse.